Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
