And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
