Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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