I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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