U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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