New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
