so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
