you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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