I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
