I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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