Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I deserve to be covered in dicks
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
