tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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