After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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