WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you never un-have a 4some
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
