Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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