And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
