i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
