tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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