You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
