You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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