I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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