Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
