Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
