He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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