so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
