filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
