I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize