you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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