my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
