I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
