be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
