how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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