i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
