All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
