Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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