Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
