I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Less talking, more tequila
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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