Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
