My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
