So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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