she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
