I think my vagina is haunted
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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