you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
