This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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