maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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