Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize