i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
