My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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