Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
