don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
