That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
