Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
