Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
