He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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