You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You are the jesus of drinking
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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