make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
