So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize