You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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