some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
