Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
