it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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