did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize