He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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