brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
