really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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