so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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