U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
where are my eyebrows?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
